If You Only Knew
by RoyalDragon540
Summary: I didn't ask to be rescued by you... or to fall in love with you. It just kinda happened. So I guess I'm a little thankful for all that you've done if only I could just get my stupid mouth to work and tell you all this...


**A/N: Rawr! Royal Dragon here! Sooo if you've read Dreams of Me welcome to If You Only Knew! If you haven't read it you don't have to because there's not too much here that was mentioned in Dreams of Me. But Dreams of Me if you haven't read it is about Axel and Roxas, this is a side pairing I'd been wanting to do for a while with this. So I thought with the last chapter up why the hell not? I don't explain a lot about secondary characters pasts when I do these types of stories for a reason in case I wanna make a one shot out of one. So my dearies please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't wanna say it!**

**Demyx: Come on Royal Dragon you have to!**

**Royal Dragon: Nope not gonna!**

**Zexion: *sigh* She doesn't own Kingdom Hearts only the plot for the story. That was pretty easy Royal. And also the Shinedown lyrics of course belong to none other than Shinedown.**

**Royal Dragon: *Off in a corner crying* **

If You Only Knew

**If you only knew**

**I'm hanging by a thread, the web I spin for you**

**If you only knew**

**I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you**

**I still hold onto the letters you returned**

**I swear I've lived and learned**

I put this song on repeat I had probably listened to it at least thirty times now. It seemed to be so fitting for my life. The bed dipped and arms wrapped around my waist pulling me flush against my lovers body. Tugging the ear buds out I snuggled closer to the warmth that seemed to be spreading as fingers drifted to my hair while the other hand rested on my hip. How had I gotten this lucky? How had someone as kind as _him_ fallen in love with someone like me?

I felt one of the buds being replaced in my ear and the other drifted off into the darkness into his ears I presumed.

**Its 4:03 and I can't sleep**

**Without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea**

**If I drown tonight, bring me back to life**

**Breathe your breath in me**

**The only thing that I still believe in is you**

**If you only knew**

Warm breath tickled my cheek and he gently tugged the ear bud out again snuggling close until his lips were mere inches from mine. He hummed before replacing the singer of Shinedown with his own voice instead. It was always so wonderful to hear him sing, to hear him strum on the sitar as he wrote down lyrics and tunes softly singing them to me at night. His voice was my way out of the darkness, his smile lit up my crumbling world, his gentle touch led me to the escape I didn't even know was there.

There was silence in the small apartment except for our soft breathing and Demyx's singing. It was lulling me to sleep but I tried to keep my eyes open because I wanted to hear him sing I loved that voice that only he showed to me.

**If you only knew how many times I counted**

**All the words that went wrong**

**If you only knew how I refuse to let you go**

**Even when you're gone**

**I don't regret any days I spent**

**Nights we shared or letters that I sent**

Letters now that was funny, he never sent me letters. Those words on paper wouldn't do his voice justice. We met in a bar and he took me home that same night. He saved me from something I may have regretted. His fingers continued stroking through my hair while the other hand drew little designs on my hip bone traveling up to where my shirt rode up until he was making little patterns on my stomach.

This verse really spoke to me the most. I was horrible to Demyx I was still amazed to wake up every morning beside him, and every morning I was the only one who got to see the scars on his body as we took a shower together. I would cry every time I saw them and apologize over and over even though it had been well over a year. I was the one who created those scars, those wounds that would never heal but he didn't even care.

**Its 4:03 and I can't sleep**

**Without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea**

**If I drown tonight, bring me back to life**

**Breathe your breath in me**

**The only thing that I still believe in is you**

**If you only knew**

My parents hated me; they were on drugs though so it was only natural that they didn't want me. They hadn't meant to have me I was reminded of that often enough. They would scream at me that I was a complete mistake… I still remembered that day clearly the day I met Demyx.

His beautiful sandy blond hair shaped into a mullet/Mohawk hybrid, blue eyes shining in the dim light of the bar. Waiting for me he had told me, he had been waiting for me.

**I still hold onto the letters you returned**

**You helped me live and learn**

**It's 4:03, and I can't sleep**

**Without you next to me, I toss and turn like the sea**

**If I drown tonight, bring me back to life**

**Breathe your breath in me**

**The only thing that I still believe in is you**

**Believe in is you, I still believe in you, oh**

**If you only knew**

He stopped singing and switched to another song as I drifted off to sleep.

The day we met it was a normal day for me; I left school early because I was being picked on (and by picked on I mean I was getting the shit beat out of me.) I couldn't help my natural hair color was a slate blue. I liked keeping half my face concealed from the world it didn't bother me but most of the kids at school knew I was an easy target since I preferred hanging out in the library in my spare time.

Home wasn't much of a home, mostly an old rundown apartment filled with mice and roaches. Beer bottles and crack pipes strewn around the house, no TV or furniture, there were several eviction notices on our door. I left them there, we had moved five times in the last year one more time couldn't hurt could it? The house was quiet but that could mean one of two things, my parents were high as a kite right now and in a good mood, or bad mood just waiting for me or option two they weren't home.

Mom was a prostitute she liked her drugs more than me. The guy I called "Dad" or rather boyfriend number six was terrible. He was the longest one she had so far going on a year. He had introduced her to some pretty hardcore shit not like she wasn't doing meth and heroine anyway. Honestly I was surprised she was still alive, and the fact that people actually wanted to have sex with a drug addict. I guess people really were desperate.

I had a few bruises on my arms and legs, few cuts but other than that they mostly left me alone. When they were one of their bad trips I could expect the beatings to last for at least an hour. I didn't know who my real father was, didn't really care to. Mom hated me anyway and so did her boyfriend, she was always telling me she wished she had aborted me.

I hated who she had become; I knew she wasn't always like that but after having me it seemed like life went downhill and fast. Her side of the family didn't talk to her, if they knew I existed they didn't care. At the age of seven I was already self-sufficient and cooking for myself because I was always alone, I attended school made sure I was up and on time. But now at the age of fifteen I was tired of being alone I was tired of everything my life had seemed to throw at me. So I went into my bedroom where I kept a gun in case someone ever tried to attack me or one of mom's boyfriends got to be too rough.

At this point no one was going to miss me anyway, I had a favorite place I liked to go to that was away from the public. I started towards my hideout a little abandoned park I had found once when I was wandering around trying to kill some time while the drugs wore off mom. The swings were rusty and creaking and the sandbox was filled with more dirt than sand but to me it was my favorite place to go even if the benches did give my ass splinters when I sat on them.

I decided to say farewell to the city of Traverse Town and walked around a little stopping by a bar. I didn't even look at the name, just felt a gentle tug on my heart to go in. I was fifteen they would try to card me and tell me to get the hell out! No way was I going in there! Pulling the door open I headed inside, so much for not going in.

My eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim lighting; there was nothing in this bar that suggested that I should come in here. Walking around I saw chairs set up towards the back, there were teens there showing off flashy fake to get drinks, making out with random strangers, there were hookers and cross dressers talking prices with old business men. Just because it was the middle of the day didn't mean this shit wasn't going on.

This wasn't the best part of Traverse Town and there wasn't any if much police trafficking going on night or day it didn't matter business still went on. Dirty secrets were still kept and played out in this bar.

Waitresses were in nothing more than skimpy outfits showing off their… erm assets, with fishnet stockings and thigh high black boots. The heels alone were enough to add at least three inches to their height and enough to gouge someone's eye out! Why the hell had I come in here? Slipping my hands in my pocket I ran my fingers on the gun, the cool metal soothing me.

I would look around for another minute or two and then I would be gone off to my secret hide away to end this dreaded life of mine.

I didn't expect to see a sandy haired boy sitting on one of the bar stools towards the front. His hair in a mullet/ Mohawk hybrid, he was swiveling around in the chair drinking what seemed to be some clear liquid with a swirling straw and a little umbrella stabbed in a floating lemon. There were several glasses just like it running the length of the bar.

He stopped swirling in the chair when our eyes locked even if it was only brief. Jumping off the stool he made his way over smiling, his smile lit up the room and my heart went into overdrive. While I contemplated this mystery he pulled the unoccupied stool out before helping me to set on it. His eyes were the most beautiful shade of aqua, I was captivated by that sun kissed skin the fact that he was so tall and my head was level with his chest meaning when he held me I could easily rest my head against him.

But that wasn't going to happen.

"Hi! My name's Demyx what's yours?" He inquired grabbing his drink and loudly slurping on it.

Was he drunk? What the hell was he drinking? Why did I care? Why was I even here? These questions swirled around in my brain. The fact that I didn't even answer the first question didn't seem to bother him at all! He just kept firing them off one by one.

"What's your favorite color? Band? How old are you? I'm sixteen! I just turned sixteen two days ago! My favorite color is blue! I like the band Nightwish and Shinedown a lot! Do you go to school anywhere? I go to Traverse High! Are you in any clubs? I'm not! I play the Sitar do you play anything? Hey you want something to drink? I'm just drinking water! I've been here for about three or four hours and every time I try to talk to someone they just walk away. You haven't walked away yet that's a good sign! Did I tell you my name is Demyx? What's yours?"

On and on he went until he was just asking the same questions! My head was already pounding with the information overload! Until finally I just slapped my hand over his mouth and uttered my name, "Zexion." Maybe that would shut him up, although I doubted it.

That stupid grin was back his smile kept stretching though until it seemed like it was going to break his face apart. Putting`my palms against his cheeks I pressed them together trying hard not to giggle at the face I had just made.

He ruined the moment by asking me a question that totally caught me off guard. "Will you come home with me?"

Shaking my head I started to get off the stool to leave but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to his chest. "Please come with me." I shook my head again trying hard not to get distracted by this warmth spreading across me, his heart beat pounding against his chest how it was lulling me into this security I had never felt before. I began to question myself, why wasn't I saying yes?

Sighing I decided to give in, why the hell not? I could always leave tonight anyway. But one night turned into two and then three until I had been staying with Demyx for about a month. He lived with a set of twins Reno and Axel both of them with shocking fire engine red hair and acid green eyes. They were kind but I mostly stayed out of there way favoring Demyx's company instead.

About two months in to my staying it seemed like there was this undeniable rage that was building up inside me. The first time I struck out at Demyx will always be forever seared in my brain. I don't even remember what he had asked or said only that it made me so angry.

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE HELL UP WOULD YOU?!" I was screaming and punching lashing out on the only person who had by far shown me what love was like.

He was blocking his face with hands and I continued to strike him until he fell to the ground. He was crying and so was I. Sinking down he pulled me close and held me tight, "I love you Zexion, I forgive you." He whispered.

"Why? Don't forgive me! I hit you be mad! Damn it be mad!" I screamed finally breaking down sobbing.

This was the first time it happened, but it wouldn't be the last. Had I known this would go on for about a year I probably would have opted for just offing myself in the first place.

The first time I said I hated him… I still remembered… it was about two months after he had brought me home. The fight was over something so stupid! It was a stupid video game I lashed out over a stupid game, he had won and was bragging about it and for some reason it pissed me off to the point where I slapped him.

I still remembered him falling to the ground in shock, one part of me was telling me to stop. The other part of me raged on and forced those awful words out of my mouth. "I hate you! I fucking hate your guts! I don't want to be here anymore I'm leaving and I'm never coming back! I should have just gone through with killing myself… I'd be better off dead anyway." The last words were whispered.

Tears were pouring down his delicate face as I turned to walk off. But I felt a hand grab the sleeve of my jacket and I looked down to see Demyx on his knees hands outstretched with tears still falling.

"Don't wish that… please don't ever wish that. It may come true and I don't want it to come true because… because I love you Zexion! I really love you… so it's ok if you hate me, and as for leaving that's fine to but I'll follow you wherever you go but please don't ever wish to die. I need you here… with me… ok?" He smiled even through that he smiled! I lost it and ran off crying.

Know what he did? He followed me… that damn fool followed me and tackled me to the ground and held me. He kissed me to not on the lips but on my temple and the top of my head; he held me close and kissed me rocking me back and forth. I lashed out trying to get away but he wouldn't let go. I knew there would be bruises and cuts but I couldn't help it! I was unlovable! Wasn't I? I was unlovable! I wanted to scream at him to not to love me, hate me, beat me! Burn me like my other dad's did! Leave marks on my heart that will never fade but don't… please don't love me!

I didn't want him to fall for me! I didn't ask him to… and yet he did. This went on for a year and I'll spare you the details. I'd tell him how much I hated`him and I was going to leave but even through the tears he'd smile and say he still loved me.

I was late one day coming home from school because I went out to look for a job, the twins had been so kind to me and how did I repay them? By bumming off of them and destroying their friend's heart. When I finally came home Demyx was so happy, he had thought I'd ran away and was running through town looking for me.

No one ever did that for me. I used to just open the door to my house and judge by the sounds whether it was safe to go in or not. If it wasn't safe I'd go to the local park and sleep on the park bench, but when winter rolled around I had to go home no matter what or face getting frostbite.

"Zexion! What happened? Where were you? I was so worried! Please don't do that again, tell me if you're going to be late… no you don't have to if you don't want to… I'm sorry… I love you." He cringed away when I reached my hand out.

I didn't blame him as many black eyes and red marks on his cheeks as I had left him I could understand. Instead I cupped his face and kissed him on the lips, they were so soft and he molded them to mine. Shyly his tongue poked out to trace the crease of my closed lips.

I pulled away scared because this was my first kiss… and it was with Demyx! Demyx… I suddenly realized I was falling for, he was my very first kiss and as bad as I wanted to run away and hide just then I didn't. Someone… loved me? Someone… loved… me? Me, Zexion the unloved one and yet someone… cared about what happened to me. Why? How?

It was all too much for my brain to handle! So we stopped there… sadly we stopped there this whole drama could have been over with if we would have continued right? Maybe it wouldn't have, because the next day when I got home there was a note on the counter. Demyx was at the hospital with Axel. There were smears of blood on the paper and I rushed down to make sure everyone was ok.

The nurse directed me to the right room and I burst in to see Demyx curled up next to Axel on the bed. Demyx bolted up when I ran in and settled back down comfortably even throwing an arm around Axel's shoulder as he dozed.

"He tried to kill himself… he slit his own wrists Zexy… what if I hadn't been there?" Demyx struggled for the words.

While I knew how close those two were my mind kept screaming that he was cheating on me. I tried to block it out I swear I did! But it didn't work and I wasn't going to cause a scene while Axel was here, so I turned and walked away.

He didn't even follow… so Axel was more important then. Why? Was it because he was way more damaged than me? Was I some substitute for his twisted mind? So what when he got bored of me he'd throw me out? I couldn't let that happen… I just couldn't! When Demyx came home later that night I was so out of my mind with rage, anxiety, and depression that I lashed out. I had been a ticking time bomb all day and when the door opened to reveal Demyx he was the detonator.

"YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME DON'T YOU?!" I screamed throwing a punch and hitting him square in the jaw.

He went sailing back hitting the floor with a thud. His eyes were bloodshot from crying probably and here I was adding onto it. But I couldn't stop… I had snapped I had finally _snapped_!

"What are you talking about? Zexion I don't understand! Please tell me what's going on." Demyx pleaded as I threw another punch.

He dodged but I kicked him in the stomach and he toppled back to the ground gasping for air.

"I SAW YOU WITH HIM! WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT ME HERE? YOU LOVE HIM DON'T YOU? AM I JUST HIS SUBSTITUTE?" I was beyond gone it was like someone had hijacked my brain and tied me up so I couldn't control what I was doing.

"Zexion please calm down! I love Ax but not in that way! He's like my brother." Tears were already falling steadily but I pressed on.

As sick as it sounds with all the abuse and torture I had gone through it was nice to see someone else go through it. I loved the feeling of being in power and being able to dominate! It was wonderful and exhilarating!

"THEN CHOOSE! ME OR HIM!" I continued.

"No… no… no, you won't make me choose! I can't I'm sorry!" He whimpered cowering when I backed him up in the nearest corner.

"CHOOSE! I TOLD YOU TO CHOOSE!" Each word was followed by a fist to anywhere that it would land.

"THEN AXEL I CHOOSE AXEL!" He screamed. I stopped my movements going stiff as I let the words sink in. Not me… it hadn't been me… it would never be me. "He doesn't treat me like _this_! I know you're hurting and I am to… Zexion please wait! Zexion I'm sorry! Zexion…. We can work this out…" But I had already left.

I could hear him sobbing as I slammed the door shut and it took every ounce of will power I had to not rush back in there and beg him to take me back.

I went to the only place that night I knew where to go since living here. I went to the old park and found one of the blankets I had stored away in the bushes still intact save a few holes from the bugs eating it. Wrapping it around my body I went to the old splintery benches and curled up for the night. Sleep overtook me fast and I was in a dreamless sleep that night but when I awoke the next morning I realized I must have cried myself to sleep because my cheeks were still wet with the tears that had yet to dry.

There was no one there to greet me, no warm body to wake up to. The wind was blowing and it was a chilly day and I wished I hadn't worn a short sleeved shirt. I could always walk home from here but who knew how my parents were holding up.

Deciding against that option to I threw the blanket off and decided to swing for a while. If I was going to die from hypothermia might as well have fun doing it! I don't know how long I was there contemplating my own demise before I heard the creak of another swing.

I stopped long enough to see blond hair and aqua eyes watching me. A small smile lit up his face even though he had a split lip which cracked and bled. I was going to bet that under that long sleeved red tee he was wearing were the bruises from yesterday's fight.

"I was worried about you. I looked everywhere for you… I ended up crashing on the ground in the middle of the street from exhaustion. They tried to take me to the hospital some nice lady, but I escaped easily enough. I had to make sure you were ok after yesterday. I'm so sorry for pushing you like that Zexion… can you please forgive me?"

Forgive _him? _He was the one asking for forgiveness? Shouldn't it be _me_ begging _him_ for forgiveness? Look at the way I had treated him! Yet here he was, I cried with relief and after trying to stop the swing I just jumped out of it and face planted the ground. Scrambling to get back up we met halfway and threw our arms around each other sharing sloppy wet kisses.

"I'm so sorry I was so stupid I should never have tried to make you choose! I love you Demyx! Please forgive me, I'm so sorry!" I stroked his hair and pulled him close so that _I _was the one cradling him.

He snuggled close bringing his arms around my waist and planting kisses all over my neck. "This is the first time you've ever said you loved me… do you mean it?" He asked turning those stunning aqua orbs on me a big grin stretching across pink plump lips.

I realized it was true that I really did love this man. We had met in a bar and he had taken me home that night. Had he not I wouldn't have been here today. "Yes… I do mean it. Demyx I love you!" I cried kissing those plump lips again. They tasted sweet like honeysuckles mixed with the metallic flavor of blood and he parted them slipping his tongue in my mouth to explore.

I let him to this time I couldn't deny him, anything he wanted I knew I'd give it to him. We stood up hand in hand and headed back to the small apartment I had learned to call home. On the way there we would stop and slip into an alley to kiss and touch, to hold the other close. To caress, and to be pushed roughly against walls with legs winding around waists and heated kisses being spread from lips to necks, to nipping and biting which turned into sucking on the abused flesh. Small whimpers turned into moans and before we knew it we were home.

Clothes were being ripped off the others body, more kisses were shared and fingers threaded through hair to tug harshly when one of us bit a particularly sensitive spot. A light sheen of sweat coated our bodies and it crossed my mind what would happen after we did this? Would our relationship grow? Or would we flounder around and die until we did nothing but shout hateful things to each other like I had seen all my life. With every relationship my mother entered she was abused and hated and I didn't want to go back to that.

I was terrified but at the same time it was as if this peace had settled into the very marrow of my bones and was working its way through my veins until I was relaxed and calm. I knew at this point no one had to tell me I didn't have to be reassured I just _knew_ things could only get better.

Demyx picked me up and gently placed me on the small couch. He climbed on top of me and continued kissing me his fingers dancing along my skin. He seemed to know every sensitive spot on my body and he lavished them with kisses. Taking a rosy bud in his mouth had me arching my back and crying out his name.

I _had_ to have more! "Demyx please I need you now!" I whimpered bringing our lips back together.

He hummed against them and nipped his way down dipping his tongue in my navel and swirling it around. It only made me yearn for him more and when he finally reached the place I most wanted him to touch I forced his head down until he had deep throated me.

I screamed out in pure pleasure until my vision began to fade to black around the edges. I had _never_ in life felt this much pleasure. He hummed against my cock his other hand gently tugging and massaging my heavy balls. There was an unfamiliar sensation coiling in my stomach and going straight for my groin. It was too late before I realized what was happening.

Arching my back I gripped his hair harshly scratching the scalp and pulling hard. "Dem… Demy I'm gonna… cum!"

Demyx's moan only served to turn me on more as he sucked me dry. Pulling away he smiled and nuzzled my neck. "I love you Zexion. If you want me to stop now I will." He whispered.

"I love you to Demyx so much," I panted pulling him close. "Don't stop… please don't."

He smiled and kissed me tenderly, "Ok then I won't." Plump lips found my chapped ones again and he gently tugged and sucked on my bottom lip while his fingers circled my entrance.

Trembling I tried not to shove him off me because I knew if we stopped now how long would it be before we got back to this point again? One slick finger was introduced and I cried out in pain clenching around the single digit.

"Don't tense love it'll only hurt more. Now relax baby its ok I won't hurt you I promise." He whispered smoothing my hair back to look fully into both my eyes.

"But… but it hurts." I whimpered trying to will my muscles to relax.

"It's ok it'll feel better soon ok?" He kissed my forehead and made his way down until he captured my lips. Slowly I relaxed into the touch; he slowly pulled the finger out only to push it back in. I whimpered when a second digit was added so soon after the first.

His fingers made scissoring motions and I clamped my eyes shut as a new pain and slight burn settled. "You're doing good love… oh gods so fucking tight." Demyx was panting by now and he was only using his fingers.

It wasn't until the third finger was added and he curled them at just right the spot did I feel that blinding pleasure course through my body again.

"There Demy! Hit there again!" I moaned rocking my hips back onto those sinfully delicious digits.

"Bingo! Hit your prostate babe feels good doesn't it?" He asked his eyes lighting up like it was Christmas.

"Yeah, do it again." I whimpered. I had to bite back the scream that threatened to erupt when he brushed that spot again.

Soon he deemed me stretched enough and pulled his fingers away causing me to whimper again at the loss. "Um… you don't happen to have any lube do you?" He asked his face turning a bright red.

Shaking my head I wondered what he was talking about. I was a virgin in all sense of the word so I wasn't sure what we would need that for.

"Well I'm not about to take you dry Zexy because then you'd never let me have sex with you again number one and number two this is your first time so I want you to enjoy it…" He smiled at me and hopped off the couch to crouch in front of me and give me a kiss.

Finally it dawned on me and I turned just as red as he was when an idea struck me. Without saying anything I slid off the couch onto my knees. I made quick work of his jeans and boxers slipping them down to his ankles when I noticed oh gods his penis was _huge_! How the hell was that thing supposed to fit inside me anyway? Swallowing back all the fear that was beginning to well up I gripped his hips hard and deep throated him.

Demyx moaned and I gagged at the sensation of having someone's well… you know in my mouth. Swiftly I took my tongue and traced along the underside as he had done for me causing him to grip my hair and moan even louder. He was panting and swaying on his feet as I gently bit around the shaft and pulled back to suckle on the head the salty taste of pre cum greeting me.

"So… fucking… good! Zexy I can't last please stop!" He begged trying to pull my head back. I let go with one last suckle to the head of his penis only to have him throw me to the floor on my stomach. He picked my ass up and slapped it hard causing me to moan and whimper.

I was already fully erect by this point when another slap came to my ass. "You like that Zexy? You want it rough?" _This_ Demyx seemed like a totally different person than the one I had just seen.

Without even giving me time to respond he had already buried himself to the hilt in my ass. I cried out in pain tears falling down my cheeks. He didn't give me much time to adjust before he pulled out and slammed back in. Gripping my shoulders hard he continued this rhythm the only things that could be heard by now were his panting and my screaming for more and harder.

"Demy… Dem I'm about to cum!" I screamed when he hit my prostate dead on for the millionth time. I had lost count at how many times he had slammed into me and missed my prostate on purpose before nailing it one good time and then going back to missing again.

One hand left my shoulder and I felt fingers winding around the base of my cock. "Not until you beg me, I won't let you cum until you beg!" He growled biting my shoulder hard.

I screamed in pain and pleasure trying to form a coherent sentence as he pounded into my prostate. "Beg me!" He cried.

"Pl- ple- please! Demyx I need… oh gods yes… Demy I need!" I tried to say really I did but I was lost in the pleasure I was receiving.

He halted all movements and began a slow and tortuous pace. "Maybe this will make it easier. Now beg!"

"Demy please I need to cum! Demy please let me cum!" I cried the need was so great I felt like I was ready to explode.

He let go of my cock and pounded into my prostate a few more times before the coiling in my groin was too much. White hot cum spurted out and landed on the floor and some on my chest, my ass clenched around his cock and he cried out slamming into me hard filling me with his seed. We rode those powerful orgasms out and he pulled out of me and lay beside me drawing me close.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to let that side of me out. I wanted you to enjoy it Zexy." He whispered smoothing my hair back.

"I did enjoy it Dem – Dem I enjoyed it very much. What do you mean _that side_ of you?" I questioned. Oh no he wasn't schizophrenic was he? Well not that, that mattered anyway I still loved this man with all my being.

"…." He was quiet for a moment I assumed gathering his thoughts. Standing up he pulled me up with him and began throwing the cushions off the couch revealing a fold out bed. He pulled it out, unfolded it and pulled me with him on top of it throwing a blanket he had setting on top of it on us. We cuddled close for a few moments, me resting my head on his chest. I was almost asleep before he began talking again.

"I didn't tell you this because I was afraid you'd leave me. I don't want you to leave me Zexion I've been so lonely without someone. I just sorta took your virginity and didn't even tell you anything about myself like my past… that was wrong of me and I'm sorry. So I understand if after all of this you want to leave." He ran soothing fingers through my hair.

"But I don't want to leave." I whispered.

"You'll change your mind after this…" He responded.

"And if I don't?" I questioned trying to sit up, he pulled me back down and continued running his fingers through my hair.

"I don't know my parents…" he started off totally ignoring my question. "They gave me up for adoption when I was just a baby. The lady who took care of me, she said that Mom was really pretty she had hair like mine it was long and hung just below her waist. She wore flowers in her hair, she wasn't dressed rich but she came from a nice home. She cried when she handed me over, told the lady to take good care of her Demyx. Gran… the lady who used to run the orphanage said she would. She became like a mom to me.

"She was always kind and sweet, always doting on me. No one ever adopted me out even though most couples come looking for babies. She said they always thought I was sweet and cute but they always passed me by. I learned to never make friends in an orphanage; because once you do they'll be gone before you know it. Whether they run away or they're finally adopted out. Gran was the constant in my life though.

"She took care of me until the day she died. She taught me right from wrong and even signed me up to go to school. Education was important to her. When she died though it was peaceful in her sleep, her heart just stopped beating. Since I was only thirteen at the time she couldn't leave me anything… so it went to her next of kin her son. He was a terrible person… he was the one that got me started doing… doing things.

"He was always bringing in different men that the kids had to service… it was bad. I was one of the few that didn't though only because he took great pride in me he said. He said he loved me and cared for me, he was always kissing me but nothing more and if I wanted to make him proud I had to do things. So for the first time in my life I became a drug dealer. It was simple stuff at first, weed to the high school kids he had connections to. Sometimes to the college kids, then it became heavier stuff like meth and then heroine.

"I was always sent into the worst neighborhoods. I grew up pretty fast, if I didn't meet his quota he'd shut me out on the streets. I was arrested for the first time at fourteen for heroine. It was bad Zexion; he didn't even come to bail out. He left me there to rot, so when I got out I swore I wouldn't go back and I didn't. So I went out partying and I met some 'friends' who introduced me to drinking and pills. I lost my virginity one night to some guy that was like thirty years old. He told me he'd show me a good time. I was so strung out that I didn't even care, I moved in with him for about a month. I had sex with him for drugs… I was young and stupid I didn't know what I was doing! His name was like Xemnas or something; he had another lover on the side Saix I think his name was. He ended up leaving me out on the streets after I caught him cheating on me with his other lover.

"I went two months living in random crack houses selling my body to whoever would take me for a night. I attended parties just to have company, they gave me more drugs and I'd usually go home with someone for the night. During the winter it was the same it would get below freezing sometimes so I'd offer anything I could just to be able to stay in a warm bed for a night. I learned people had weird fetishes… some people liked to cut you when they had sex with you. Those times were the worst but it was worth it to be able to sleep somewhere for the night.

"I was fifteen when I met Axel… he was like a beacon of light for me. I was running from the cops I had a bunch of drugs on me at the time. It was all a setup from one of my long term hookups Xaldin he was a sadist… he always liked hardcore sex. Every time I was with him I wouldn't be able to walk straight for at least two weeks. He had set me up because he was tired of me, so I was running from the cops when I saw bright red hair like flames against a setting sun.

"I ran as fast as I could towards it. I scooped him up in my arms and we took off, his brother thanked me and I began living with them. He never asked for sex, they were so kind to me. I've never told them any of this but I started selling drugs soon after I began living with them to help pay for the rent. I never sold to Axel though, but sometimes we'd go to parties and I'd try to keep him out of trouble but he was always hooking up with different women. Sometimes he'd hit on me but I knew he didn't want me like that so I denied him every time. I didn't want him to end up as broken as I was so I tried to stop him. He started sneaking out and was completely secretive about things, that's when Reno his twin told me about the dreams he'd been having.

"When I confronted Axel he went off into this rage and we didn't see him for two weeks. I searched day and night for him and when I finally did find him it was at one of my old lovers house Xemnas. He was so out of his mind on drugs that he didn't even know what was going on. I begged him to let Axel go and he said he would but for a price… so once again I traded my body in exchange for my best friend. He doesn't remember it and I don't want to remind him. It was awful… so awful. I swore I'd stop selling drugs so I did, the man I was selling them for I don't know his name or if it's a she they just send someone to give me the drugs to sell for them. I've received death threats for quitting… they even sent someone to kill me. They went easy on me though, they broke every rib.

"I was unconscious for a week. Some lady with sandy blond hair down to her waist found me on the side of the road bleeding, she saved me. Her eyes were as blue as mine she was so pretty and nice! She stayed with me in the hospital until I was better and then just like an Angel she vanished. She told me good luck and to be strong because I'd meet my soul mate soon enough. I didn't believe her though and then a week later I met you." Demyx's hand stilled on my hair and I felt him shaking.

Quickly I sat up; he curled in on himself and began to sob. "Demyx… Demy… please don't cry! Demy!" I grabbed his arms and tried to pry them away from his face but he whimpered and pushed me back.

"You hate me now don't you? I'm filthy… I'm awful I'm just a druggie I'm no better than the scum of the earth!" He shouted. The past few months since I'd known Demyx he'd always worn a smile on his face but now… now I saw him with his guard truly down showing how vulnerable he was.

I had two choices; I could either tear him down farther until there was nothing left. Or I could build him back up to the man he so desperately wanted to be. I wanted to build him up until he was smiling again, until there were no holes left in his heart. He had shown me love and he was silently asking for the same from me. With the way I had treated him… he had stuck by me and it was my turn to stick by him.

"Hate you? Never I love you with all my heart and soul. You stopped selling and using drugs… even if you hadn't that'd be ok to because I'd help you. I'm here for you Demy; I think I was made to be here for you. I was made for you just as you were made for me. Your mine and I intend to love you and make you smile because I don't want to be the one that makes you cry anymore. I don't like when you cry you're so beautiful when you smile." I whispered running my fingers through sandy blond hair.

Lips crashed onto mine, his tears were salty and sweet tasting just like him. There were no barriers up, no clothes left to be torn off. Hands were roaming over my naked chest feeling the perk nubs that lay there. I couldn't stop the moan that bubbled out from my throat.

"Demy we shouldn't not when you're like this." I groaned as one slick digit was shoved into my ass. It hurt like hell but felt amazing at the same time.

"Please just give me this… that's all I ask… then you…" he didn't even finish his sentence before his cock was shoved deep inside me again.

My back was turned towards him and I felt his chest press up against me. He groaned and bit my shoulder hard ramming himself inside me hard and fast hitting my prostate with every thrust.

I arched my back and cried out enjoying the feel of his hands roaming and feeling, his mouth tasting and nipping. Lapping at a wound he bit too hard on and made bleed. Fingers danced over my neglected member and he pumped it in time with his thrusts making me see stars.

His thrusts became harder and faster and soon he was releasing inside me pumping me faster until I exploded getting cum on the sheets we were tangled in and on his hand.

Panting I rolled over to try to kiss him but he pulled away bringing a cum filled hand up to his mouth. He lapped at the fingers sucking on every digit and moaning, that wonderful pink tongue coming to curl around those sun kissed fingers.

He was making me hard all over again, I'm not sure how many times we had sex only that we probably did it in every position we could. Our bodies weren't satisfied we needed more, _wanted_ more even _begged_ for it! Finally when we had calmed down enough we were exhausted and sleep was threatening to overtake us.

"You'll be here when I wake up right?" I whimpered curling my body close to his. He had become unresponsive to any movement and loving touch I had offered.

"Yes." That was all I got and my eyes drifted closed.

When I woke sometime later I was laying in the bed by myself. "Demyx! Demyx!" I called standing up and wrapping the blanket around me. He was nowhere to be found, there was no note or anything and so I was left alone to cry on the couch until Reno found me.

He cradled me in his arms but I wanted Demyx! He had taken my virginity and left me… he had smashed on my heart and broken it. Two days went by and still no Demyx, I cried myself to sleep every night. I even began to search for him; I went to the bar, to the park where he had found me. But I couldn't find him anywhere. On the fourth night of his absence I was ready to die, I was so numb inside that when the door opened I didn't even bother to see who it was. I was tired of being disappointed.

So when the bed dipped I assumed it was Reno back from work early coming to comfort me like he did every night. Perhaps I could be happy with Reno if I tried. When I turned over to embrace him I found sun kissed skin instead of pale and sandy blond hair instead of flaming red.

"Demyx…" I whispered tears pouring from my eyes. "Where the hell have you been? You've been gone for four days you stupid idiot! You promised me you'd be here when I woke up! You weren't! Why did you lie to me? Why?" I pounded on his chest the tears kept pouring.

He let me until I could pound no more and I just sobbed. "I'm so sorry I thought you'd be better off without me. I didn't want to taint you and then I missed you so much… I wanted you back and the farther I walked away the more I needed you. I'm so sorry Zexion." He cried pulling me close.

I let myself be held and breathed in his scent. It smelled like autumn like falling leaves and pumpkin spices. "Don't leave me again! I gave you my heart! How dare you leave without giving me yours in return! How dare you…" I sobbed. "Don't leave me again please! I need you!" I was never like this I didn't beg the unlovable Zexion didn't beg for someone's love!

"I swear I won't I'm so sorry!" He cried his lips finding mine as his tongue shoved its way into my mouth without even begging for entrance.

"I love you." I whispered breaking the kiss to nuzzle his neck.

"I love you to Zexion." He whispered back wrapping his warm arms around me.

We were a sobbing mess and we just cried not even saying anything just happy to be in each other's company. "You said a few days ago that I was beautiful when I smiled. I couldn't stop thinking about that. It made me so happy, Zexy you make me so extremely happy! Will you please forgive me for acting like such a fool?" He asked pulling back to stare at me.

I didn't trust my voice so I just nodded a smile breaking across my face. It was getting late and my eyes were slipping shut but I didn't want to sleep not yet, not when my Demyx had finally returned to me.

"Sleep Zexion you're exhausted, I promise I'll be here when you wake up. I swear it." He kissed my forehead and I felt arms wind around my waist and tug me closer. When I did finally wake, I was still in the arms of my lover. His eyes were still closed and his breathing was even, I just watched his chest rise and fall for a few moments before stealing a look at his face. He was absolutely beautiful a small smile gracing his features.

After a few moments I was met with bright aqua orbs. "Good morning love." He whispered kissing my cheek.

"Good morning Demy." I replied pressing my lips against his.

Stretching I saw a good patch of smooth skin that I pressed my lips to. He giggled and swept me up in his arms. "Time to take a shower my love."

"B- b- but Axel and Reno are home!" I shouted as he carried me to the small bathroom all four of us shared.

"Doesn't matter! Save water shower with your lover!" He replied sitting me down. Quickly I ran and slammed the door shut and locked it.

Axel was doing better these days, Reno was making sure to look after him more and so were we. I talked to him often and he revealed the strange dreams he was having. After the shower was nice and toasty Demy picked me back up and set me in. I giggled, after coming back he had begun to do small things for me. Kissing me often, always telling me loved me; surprising me with small gifts it was so sweet.

I knew I couldn't ask for a better partner. But the thing was I still felt empty somehow. I think it was because he had trusted me and opened up to me but yet I hadn't done the same for him. I pressed my body against his lean warm one and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Demy…"

"Yeah babe what is it?" He asked grabbing the shampoo and lathering my hair. I sighed happily as his expert fingers massaged my scalp.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Sure what is it?" He questioned putting me under the spray of water.

"My parents didn't love me either. My dad left when I was like four he was a coward… mom hated me she always said she wished I was never born. Then she always brought these men home who would abuse her and me. She was a druggie Dem it was bad I used to judge by the sounds coming from inside the house whether it was safe to go inside or not." I whispered.

"What if it wasn't?" He asked turning the water off after we had washed off. He grabbed a big fluffy purple towel and wrapped it around me drying me off. Discarding it I took his orange one and wrapped him in it, he laughed as I tried to dry his hair for him with the towel but since I was so short he took care of that.

"If it wasn't safe I'd go to the local park and sleep on one of the benches. But during the winter time it was either suffer or get frostbite so I'd just go home. But now that I'm living with you I don't have to worry anymore." I smiled and brought him down for a kiss.

His arms wound tightly around my waist, "I won't ever leave you again I swear! I love you so much Zexion so much. Stay with me… ok? Stay with me forever." He whispered in my ear.

I blushed a deep red, and nodded. "No I want to hear you say it." He pleaded.

"I'll stay with you forever."

That was how it was I'd been with him ever since. I didn't need a proposal because I simply didn't believe in the sanctity of marriage and he knew that. This to me was what love was like; I woke up to him every morning and went to bed with him every night. We did homework together, went to the park for picnics and sometimes we'd go out shopping. I never wanted this to end I only wanted Demyx by my side so when he said we were moving I was happy to leave this place of horrible memories behind. I was ready for a change in my life and I think so was he. We never once looked back. We were moving forward in our future, together.

Fingers intertwined and our lips pressed together was how we spent the first night in our new apartment sharing a fold out bed. It was magical in its own way and since then we'd never looked back we just kept moving forward like we were supposed to. I was proud to say that Demyx had never left my side and I had never left his.

**A/N: I so hope you enjoyed this guys! And if you haven't go read Dreams of Me it's finished and Tame the Pirate which is another Axel and Roxas. So yeah!**

**Demyx: Oh and please review cause she loooooves reviews!**

**Royal: Seriously guys it makes my day! **

**Zexion: This is Zexion signing off!**

**Royal: Hey that's my line! Anyway this is Royal Dragon signing off!**

**~ xoxo Royal Dragon ~**


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